Learning To Be A Friend To Yourself
If you have never heard the term, “self-compassion” is exactly what it sounds like. It is being a good friend to yourself. It is treating yourself like you would a friend who is going through a rough time. It is acknowledging that you are going through a difficult time, and it is also recognizing that everyone goes through challenging times.
Self-compassion is not about being self-indulgent. It is not about making excuses for your bad behavior. It is about recognizing that you are human and that you are going to make mistakes. It is about being willing to forgive yourself for those mistakes and to give yourself the same grace and compassion that you would give to a friend.
If you have never been good at being a friend to yourself, now is the time! Self-compassion is something that you can learn. Start by recognizing when you are being hard on yourself. Notice when you are berating yourself for making a mistake. Remember this, you can make a mistake but you are NOT a mistake!
Notice when you are beating yourself up for not being perfect. Try to be your own best friend instead of your own harshest critic.
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend who was going through a tough time. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Offer yourself some grace.
If you are not sure how to do this, try using some of the following phrases:
- “I am sorry that happened.”
- “That must have been really challenging for you.
- “I am here for you.”
- “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
- “I am proud of you for _____.”
- “You are doing a great job.”
It may seem strange at first but persevere. The more you practice being self-compassionate, the easier it will become.
Why Self-Compassion Matters
There are numerous benefits to practicing Self-compassion. People who are more self-compassionate tend to have higher levels of well-being, and they are also more resilient in the face of adversity. When you demonstrate self-compassion to yourself, you are better able to cope with difficult emotions, and more likely to take action to improve your life.
Also, people who are self-compassionate also tend to be more successful. Why? You are more likely to set realistic goals for yourself, and more likely to achieve those goals. You are also more likely to persevere in the face of setbacks.
If you are not used to being self-compassionate, it might not seem like a big deal. But if you can learn to be kinder to yourself, it can make a huge difference in your life.
The First Step To This Ever-lasting Friendship
The first step to start being a friend to yourself is to recognize that you may have a negative self-image. That could be a subconscious choice to reject yourself as a friend as when you have a negative self-image, you tend to do many things that are not in your best interest.
For example, you might take on too much work and have little time for self-care. Or you might become overly self-critical or have unrealistic expectations. Maybe you became addicted to a substance or activity and might have pushed away opportunities for intimacy or isolated yourself from others.
Forgive yourself and let these go. Know that these are ways of coping with the pain of a negative self-image and do not lead to a healthier relationship with yourself. In fact, they can make things worse.
The first step to improving your relationship with yourself is to become aware of your negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself. Once you are aware of them, you can begin to challenge and change them.
Steps To Building Self-Compassion
Here are the steps to learning how to be a friend to yourself:
1. Be accepting of yourself.
Start by accepting yourself for who you are. This does not mean that you have to like or approve everything about yourself. It just means that you are okay the way you are. This means accepting your flaws and your imperfections. It also means accepting your successes and your failures.
You need to learn to love yourself for who you are, not for who you think you should be. You are worthy of love and respect, regardless of your flaws.
2. Be respectful to yourself.
Learn to respect yourself by treating yourself with kindness and compassion. It also means setting boundaries with yourself and others. You need to learn to value yourself and to put yourself first.
3. Be patient with yourself.
Give yourself time to heal and grow. It also means giving yourself time to make mistakes.
You are not perfect, so you will be bound to make mistakes. As humans, we all make mistakes and that is okay. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, learn from them and keep moving forward.
4. Be kind to yourself.
Talk to yourself as though you were talking to a friend. Be gentle and understanding with yourself. Treat yourself with compassion and learn to nurture your inner child.
5. Be grateful for yourself.
Think about all the things you love and like about yourself. Be thankful for your strengths and the things you do well. Take time to appreciate who you are and what you have. It also means recognizing all of your blessings. You need to learn to be thankful for your life and for all that you have been given.
6. Be loving toward yourself.
Shower yourself the same love and attention that you would give to a loved one.
Accept yourself for who you are and for all that you are. It also means giving yourself permission to be happy and to be loved. You need to learn to love yourself unconditionally.
7. Trust yourself.
This means trusting your instincts and your gut feelings. It also means trusting your intuition. You need to learn to listen to your heart and follow your dreams.
8. Care for yourself.
This requires you to attend to your physical and emotional needs. It also means taking care of your spiritual needs. You must learn to feed your mind, body, and spirit. Here is a list of activities and things you can do to practice self-care.
In Conclusion
Learning to be your own friend is the greatest gift you can give yourself. It is simple but not always easy. Start a daily practice of “self-compassion” as it can help you cope with challenging life circumstances, feel less anxious and stressed, and be more resilient in the face of adversity.
Learning to be your own friend requires that you get in touch with the part of you that is your true essence — your wise, compassionate, and loving Higher Self.
Here is an insightful article about the topic of being a good friend to yourself, click here to read.
